Not you. I don’t mean I want you to go to Hell. But I needed to say it.
Go to Hell!!
Have you ever been so frustrated or angry or overwhelmed or distracted or focused or ashamed or trying to make amends or otherwise knee-deep in emotion and then reacted from that place?
There might be a time coming to mind right now. Remember?
And maybe you’ve been the recipient of that release from someone else. Just in the wrong place at the wrong time, getting the blame flung on you when you really had nothing to do with it and it had nothing to do with you.
You were the scapegoat.
That person felt bad – probably about something that he or she had done – and just took it out on you. Not because of anything you’d done or not done. Simply because
a) you were there and
b) that person needed to get it out.
This week’s Torah portion talks about the scapegoat. But in this case, it’s an actual, four legged, rock-climbing, tin-can-eating, cute-enough-for-goat-yoga: goat. Like this these cuties.
Seriously adorable.
Back in the day of Aaron the High Priest, one of these two goats might have been a designated scapegoat. That means that the transgressions of the people would be let out on this goat.
Imagine yourself frustrated after a long day. You might punch a punching bag, right? As an example. The punching bag is then the recipient – the scapegoat – for all that pent up emotion. As much as you think that it was all other people’s fault, there is a part of you that didn’t act the way you wish you had in the moment.
Thank you punching bag.
Thank you scapegoat.
On Yom Kippur, Aaron (or the successor High Priests) would place all the transgressions, iniquities, and sins of the people on one scapegoat and send it out. Out where? To Azazel. Just like an angry Israeli might say, “Lech L’Azazel,” which we would translate as “Go to Hell.”
But wait… I thought Jews don’t believe in Hell.
If you’ve grown up in America, a Christian culture, you might think of Hell as the fiery eternal opposite of Heaven. That is not Azazel.
Aaron put the sins on the scapegoat and then sent it to Azazel. That is, he sent it out into the wilderness, to an inaccessible region (Lev. 16:22). What can we learn from this? You can let the scapegoat take all the blame, send it away from you, and wipe your hands clean of all that yuck.
Right?
Well, how do you feel when you blame someone (something) for all your problems? Wouldn’t it be nice to have them go away, to an inaccessible region?
In fact, when we put our problems on a scapegoat, they do become inaccessible – and unresolvable.
The scapegoat was only one small part of Aaron’s ritual.
And when we place our problems on a scapegoat, it should only be after we’ve done all the other things we can do to actually help ourselves. Only then are we truly able to put the issue to bed, to part ways with it, to send it out to Azazel.
My friend Shira Gura, a mindset and transformation coach and creator of The S.T.U.C.K. Method for Getting Unstuck, suggests the following five-step ritual for dealing with strong emotions – rather than just putting them on a scapegoat.
- S. Stop. When you’re steeped in emotion, stop. It can be for a minute or a day. Stop to breathe, to give yourself time to collect yourself.
- T. Tell. Tell yourself what you’re feeling. Are you angry? Disappointed? You can’t address an emotion before you know what it is. And it might be more than one emotion.
- U. Uncover. Uncover the reason behind this. Why are you feeling that way right now? There could be many reasons. Find out what’s going on.
- C. Consider. Consider different perspectives for looking at this situation. You don’t need to agree with them, just consider them. She has a great method for this.
- K. OK. It’s okay that you got stuck in one spot. Humans do this. It has happened to everyone and will continue to. You can use this tool over and over again.
I would add that the K step is where you can place that problem on the head of the goat, give it an loving kiss, and send it off to Azazel. The goat can live happily in the desert and you can live happily moving on from being stuck on your strong emotion without placing the blame on any scapegoat other than this one.
If you want to find out more about The S.T.U.C.K. Method, you can check out Shira’s website, courses, and podcast here.
The stories on this website are a selection of the stories compiled into A Story Every Week (Three Gems Publishing, Sept. 2018). Sign up here to get notification when the book is released. It will be free for the first few days of publication.