Who are you?

Sometimes we define ourselves in relation to other people.

I’m a mom.
Single mother.
Daughter.
Sister.
Friend.

Sometimes we define ourselves by our work.

I’m a teacher.
Jewish educator.
Writer.
Podcaster.
Spirituality coach.

Sometimes we define ourselves with character traits and values and actions.

I am Jewish.
I am Vegan.
I am a nurturer.
A listener.
I keep my commitments.
I build bridges between spirituality and modern life.

Sometimes we define ourselves by what we believe in.

I believe in Love.
Kindness.
Connection.
I believe we all rise together.
I believe in Oneness.

And sometimes we define ourselves by who or what we’re not.

I am not a tiger.
I am not lazy.
I am not Christain.
I am no longer a Chicagoan.
I am not a part of the Jets or the Sharks (or any other gang, real or musical).

But….

What if I started going to church every Sunday? That wouldn’t make me Christian, but… it would separate me from Jews.

What if I traded going to the gym for taking a nap? That wouldn’t necessarily define me as lazy, but… it would separate me from people who keep their commitments to themselves to go to the gym (a commitment I’ve made to myself).

What if I sang in the shower, in the car, in the kitchen, and while walking the dog, but never with a group of people? Would all that singing make me a part of a choir?

Being separate isn’t necessarily a bad thing.

In this week’s Torah portion, God tells the Children of Israel to keep the Passover holiday for every generation, to celebrate and remember being freed from Egypt. How? By eating unleavened bread for seven days. And the Torah goes on to tell us that anyone who eats leavened bread during Passover will be karet — cut off — from the people. Separate.

This is often interpreted as punishment, but I see it merely as cause and effect.

This group of people are eating unleavened bread this week. If you’re not doing that, you’re separate, doing something different, cut off from the group.

Are you still Jewish?

Once a Jew, always a Jew.

But you’re not part of the group. Just like if I stop going to the gym, I’m not part of the group of people who commit to exercising. If I let my Costco membership expire, I’m not part of the group of people who shop at Costco. If I eat a chicken, I’m not one of the vegans. And if I eat leavened bread during Passover, I am not a part of the group of people who avoid it. I am cut off – because I cut myself off.

It’s not a punishment, it’s a choice.

To be a part of a group, you have to be a part of the group. I’m not suggesting anyone go jump off a cliff because their friends are doing it. This is not about drinking the kool-aid. It’s about choices. It’s about matching your actions with your values and your visions of yourself.

What groups do you choose to be a part of? What values, relationships, and beliefs do you use to define yourself? Do you stick with it, or are you karet, cut off from where you want to be?

Who are you?

The stories on this website are a selection of the stories compiled into A Story Every Week (Three Gems Publishing, Sept. 2018). Sign up here to get notification when the book is released. It will be free for the first few days of publication.