Not you. I don’t mean I want you to go to Hell. But I needed to say it.

Go to Hell!!

Have you ever been so frustrated or angry or overwhelmed or distracted or focused or ashamed or trying to make amends or otherwise knee-deep in emotion and then reacted from that place?

There might be a time coming to mind right now. Remember?

And maybe you’ve been the recipient of that release from someone else. Just in the wrong place at the wrong time, getting the blame flung on you when you really had nothing to do with it and it had nothing to do with you.

You were the scapegoat.

That person felt bad – probably about something that he or she had done – and just took it out on you. Not because of anything you’d done or not done. Simply because

a) you were there and
b) that person needed to get it out.

This week’s Torah portion talks about the scapegoat. But in this case, it’s an actual, four legged, rock-climbing, tin-can-eating, cute-enough-for-goat-yoga: goat. Like this these cuties.

Seriously adorable.

Back in the day of Aaron the High Priest, one of these two goats might have been a designated scapegoat. That means that the transgressions of the people would be let out on this goat.

Imagine yourself frustrated after a long day. You might punch a punching bag, right? As an example. The punching bag is then the recipient – the scapegoat – for all that pent up emotion. As much as you think that it was all other people’s fault, there is a part of you that didn’t act the way you wish you had in the moment.

Thank you punching bag.

Thank you scapegoat.

On Yom Kippur, Aaron (or the successor High Priests) would place all the transgressions, iniquities, and sins of the people on one scapegoat and send it out. Out where? To Azazel. Just like an angry Israeli might say, “Lech L’Azazel,” which we would translate as “Go to Hell.”

But wait… I thought Jews don’t believe in Hell.

If you’ve grown up in America, a Christian culture, you might think of Hell as the fiery eternal opposite of Heaven. That is not Azazel.

Aaron put the sins on the scapegoat and then sent it to Azazel. That is, he sent it out into the wilderness, to an inaccessible region (Lev. 16:22). What can we learn from this? You can let the scapegoat take all the blame, send it away from you, and wipe your hands clean of all that yuck.

Right?

Well, how do you feel when you blame someone (something) for all your problems? Wouldn’t it be nice to have them go away, to an inaccessible region?

In fact, when we put our problems on a scapegoat, they do become inaccessible – and unresolvable.

The scapegoat was only one small part of Aaron’s ritual.

And when we place our problems on a scapegoat, it should only be after we’ve done all the other things we can do to actually help ourselves. Only then are we truly able to put the issue to bed, to part ways with it, to send it out to Azazel.

My friend Shira Gura, a mindset and transformation coach and creator of The S.T.U.C.K. Method for Getting Unstuck, suggests the following five-step ritual for dealing with strong emotions – rather than just putting them on a scapegoat.

1. ​S. Stop. When you’re steeped in emotion, stop. It can be for a minute or a day. Stop to breathe, to give yourself time to collect yourself.
2. T. Tell. Tell yourself what you’re feeling. Are you angry? Disappointed? You can’t address an emotion before you know what it is. And it might be more than one emotion.
3. U. Uncover. Uncover the reason behind this. Why are you feeling that way right now? There could be many reasons. Find out what’s going on.
4. C. Consider. Consider different perspectives for looking at this situation. You don’t need to agree with them, just consider them. She has a great method for this.
5. K. OK. It’s okay that you got stuck in one spot. Humans do this. It has happened to everyone and will continue to. You can use this tool over and over again.

​I would add that the K step is where you can place that problem on the head of the goat, give it an loving kiss, and send it off to Azazel. The goat can live happily in the desert and you can live happily moving on from being stuck on your strong emotion without placing the blame on any scapegoat other than this one.

If you want to find out more about The S.T.U.C.K. Method, you can check out Shira’s website, courses, and podcast here.

The stories on this website are a selection of the stories compiled into A Story Every Week (Three Gems Publishing, Sept. 2018). Sign up here to get notification when the book is released. It will be free for the first few days of publication.

You didn’t think there was such a thing as a fun fact about lice, did you? Okay, full disclosure, the word fun might just be in there for the sake of illuminating alliteration. But I stand by the information, and you might want to read it in case you ever find yourself going head to head with a louse.

• Lice are icky. The bugs themselves might not think so, but most humans who host them on their heads do so involuntarily and with a grimace once they discover the pests.
• They like to hide. When looking for lice on the head of a human, be sure to check behind the ears and at the nape of the neck. You’re more likely to find them there, especially if they’re new residents.
• The eggs are sticky. While the lice are black and creepy, the eggs are white and stationary. They stick to the hair. So if you see something white in your (or someone else’s) hair, and it can easily be blown or brushed off, this is not an egg. Also, if you find something white on the scalp: not a louse egg. (Yay!) The eggs stick to the hair and need to be pulled off. Imagine putting your nails on either side of something small, oblong, and kind of like almost dry Elmer’s glue, and needing to slide it down the hair in order to get it off. That would be an egg.
• They’re not just after your hair. Lice can live on furniture, clothing, bedding, rugs, and stuffed animals for a whole day without any humans. But they ultimately need humans, so if they come in contact with one when they’re in the bedding, they will hop right on.
• You can get rid of them! It’s hard though. There’s a reason they’re called a plague! Like all living things, lice need oxygen. So if you’re not into pouring poison on your head, you still have oxygen deprivation options. Some people accomplish this by coating their hair in mayo and covering with a shower cap. This does work. Whether you go through your head before or after this amazing spa treatment to remove bugs and eggs one by one, you’re going to want to be sure to include that step, too. Doing enormous amounts of laundry is also highly encouraged.
• You can prevent lice from coming. This isn’t a full guarantee, so don’t come after me if it doesn’t work, but keeping your hair short or put up will help keep lice way. Don’t share hats. Never try on hats at a store (your mom probably told you that). And use a shampoo with tea tree oil. This is gross to lice, but still helps you smell like a clean human.

Is your head itching?

Sorry about that.

But another thing you can learn about lice is that you cannot get them through the power of suggestion. If they weren’t hanging out on your head a minute ago, they’re not there now. If you want, if you live nearby, we can meet up and I can check your head. I am an expert lice checker with over 20 years of experience.

Fun thing to have on a resume, I know. But it’s helpful.

And now if you’ve stomached this story all the way to here, you might be wondering why I’m even talking about lice. Thank goodness it’s not because I have them! Nor does anyone in my house. I just wanted to share this information with you because I can. Because I’ve been there. Because I know.

And it’s helpful, isn’t it? Not fun. That was maybe misleading. But if you get lice, you know what to do now, right? Because I wrote it down… and sent it to you… based on already knowing what to do myself.

Just like in this week’s Torah portion! Yes, Tazria/Metzora is the double portion read this week, and while not about lice, it goes into definitely-not-fun detail about how to treat skin issues. How do you know when the contagion period? How long does it last? What should you do to treat the person? When should they be isolated?

Well, if you ever get stuff oozing out of your skin, what would you do? Maybe… go to a doctor? Because a doctor has more experience with this than you do? (Just like I have more lice experience. Not to brag, or anything.)

Back in the desert after leaving Egypt, those “doctors” were called priests. The priests were the ones who knew about puss and blood and contamination and cleanliness. As much as anyone could know in those days, anyway. These days people often look at the leprosy parts of the Torah and say, “Ew, this is icky.” I cannot disagree. But it was important. It still is important, we just deal with it differently these days.

Wishing you a shabbat shalom, and a day – followed by a lifetime of days – without icky stuff happening on your body. But since that’s probably not going to happen, may you have someone to go to for help.

The stories on this website are a selection of the stories compiled into A Story Every Week (Three Gems Publishing, Sept. 2018). Sign up here to get notification when the book is released. It will be free for the first few days of publication.